“Spare the rod and spoil the child” regardless how you read into it is not helping in the issue of teens and drug use. If you read that saying to mean that if you use excessive discipline in the form of corporal punishment you will have a great child, you would be wrong. However, I am not here to debate the corporal punishment views. If you read that saying as to say that by spoiling your child, you do not have as much discipline problems you would be wrong again. There is a growing and dangerous trend going on in the United States called overindulgence – in other words, parents spoiling their kids. The spoiling is not limited to just over gifting toys and gadgets but also failing to set limits, not requiring responsibilities out of their child such as chores on a regular basis, not making the child wait or earn money for items they want, and rather than teaching their child anger management and other tools to encourage healthy emotions, give things to the child to eliminate negative behaviors (giving into a child rather than setting limits. According to experts, this type of parenting can lead to substance use and abuse.
Parents think that they overindulge their pre-teens and teens out of kindness, but in reality, they are training kids to be irresponsible and helpless. The truth is that overindulging your children can undermine their competence and confidence
A growing number of psychologists, educators, and parents have come to the realization that all this overindulging is producing lazy, self-involved, and irresponsible teenagers that are prone to drop out of school, continue to live with their parents into their mid to late twenties and beyond, and may develop a dependency on drugs and alcohol. The though behind this type of behavior for many parents is that they just want their child to be happy, be their best friend, and shelter them from the real world. However, what children need most is for parents to be parents not friends.
Kids, who have been given too much, too soon grow up to be adults who have difficulty coping with life’s disappointments. They have a distorted sense of entitlement that gets in the way of successful relationships at home and in the workplace. Psychologists report that parents who overindulge their children may be setting them up to be more vulnerable to promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, anxiety, and depression. Reality will strike them hard when the parent sees they have a selfish monster they created on their hands and kick them out the door. When everything is not just handed to them just because they want it, when they have to work for what they get, many of these children who were raised in overindulgent homes will result to instant gratifications; stealing, drugs, sex, etc.
“According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the average American child sees more than 40,000 commercials a year. With the pressure of al the commercials, overindulgent parents choose to cave in on their responsibility to their children to say no. With long work hours, parents are tempted to give in to the guilt for not spending quality time with their kids, or to buy peace with a “yes.”
This merely teaches your child that if they whine long enough and loud enough you will give in. They learn manipulation and the parent fails to teach their child the important values and ethics they will need in their adult lives. Too little structure is giving children too much freedom and license to do as they please. Firm structure includes establishing and enforcing rules, creating firm boundaries, monitoring your child’s activities, and imparting effective living skills; critical life lessons that come from waiting, saving, and working hard to achieve goals. Parents who overindulge ultimately fail themselves and their children at the most important task of parenting: helping their children grow up to lead happy, successful, and productive lives.
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I agree whole heartedly. Unfortunately, I waw one of those parents, without realizing it. I wanted my kids to have things that I was denied and I raised 2 spoiled brats. When the turned 11 and 12, I realized that something had to change drastically or they would be ruined for life. Thank God I came to my senses when I did. My youngest is a junior in college and my oldest just started medical school. I was lucky, and I know it.
ReplyDeleteMy children are still toddlers and I always thought I would give them things that I never had. But, everywhere I turn I'm reading articles such as yours. I'm rethinking my plans for them and I believe I've seen the light. I understand the necessity of having them earn the things they get in life. I appreciate the insight I get from your site.
ReplyDeleteMy sister and I are close and usually agree on things. The one thing we never agreed on was allowing our teens to experiment with drugs. She looks at it as a normal part of growing up. My kids know that if they use, I'm going to call the police myself. I can't believe she gambles with her kids lives like she does.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter's best friend is a spoiled brat. Her parents have given her everything under the sun and then some. Now she's telling my daughter that I owe her this and that. Right now she is telling her that I don't owe her things but I wonder how long it will be before she starts believing that I do. I wish they weren't so close. I'm afraid that she will be lured into party's and drugs and I don't want that to happen.
ReplyDeleteWhen I take a look at the teens today, I think to myself, this is our future. It's pretty scary.
ReplyDelete