It would be nice to think that all family gatherings are full of love, kinship, thoughtfulness, fun, warm, and all those other fuzzy warm adjectives in the dictionary. Sadly, that is not always the case, especially if you come from a family where addiction has not been a stranger. When you are on the road to recovery and one or more family members are still dealing with addiction or substance abuse with no intention of stopping, family gatherings can be difficult.
You are begged to come and join in on the festivities, although you are quite aware of where the event will end – conflict and family members arguing with one another. A part of you wants to attend out of respect and for those members of the family that are clean. Some of those same family members may even be a big part of your support group, yet you know that no good will come out of it in the end, but feel that you need to make an appearance at least. The struggle between “should I go or should I stay” wears on you.
What is right and what is wrong in this situation is a conflict many recovered addicts have. It is not uncommon for more than one family member to have or be dealing with an addiction making it a common scenario for family gatherings to be difficult causing a mental and emotional struggle. The best rule of thumb in situations that make you feel uneasy is to follow your gut instincts. If a part of you is telling you to steer clear, err on the side of your own personal recovery and follow what your gut is telling you.
The more time in recovery one has, the better they are able to deal with high stress situations. Through treatment and support groups, stress strategies are learned and one knows better what their breaking points are as well as their triggers. For those new in recovery, it is probably best to avoid situations where there is high stress, temptation, and possible drug/alcohol use. If you have no other choice but to attend or feel obligated to attend, take a strong support person with you who will be able to help you draw a strong line when it is time to go if the situation deems.
In closing, I am curious as to how much credence do you give to your gut instincts? Do you follow them? Under what circumstances? Have you ever had to attend a family gathering you knew would be stressful? How did you handle it if you went?
If you need help, are struggling with an addiction, or know of someone who is, please contact A Better Tomorrow Treatment Center today. We are here to help.
http://www.abttc.net/
Phone: 800.971.1586
Fax: 800.401.8464
24 Hour Addiction HelpLine
Tel. (800) 396-9389 (7 days 24 hours)
e-mail: info@24houraddictionhelp.com
http://www.24houraddictionhelp.org/
Feel free to follow us on Facebook and Twitter too!
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/ABTomorrow
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/ABTomorrow
This could be my family you are describing here. I'll tell you how I handle it. I go, but I only stay 30 minutes. Things rarely stay sane past that time period. That way, I feel like I gave it my best shot without getting involved in the hysterics I know it will end up in eventually.
ReplyDeleteGet togethers with my family are a zoo and I don't have a drug problem. I bet that those who do really have a hard time. I think if I did have a drug problem I would stay away. Far, far away.
ReplyDeleteSometimes stress brings out the worst in a family, particularly if the get togethers don't happen very often. At least that's how things happen in our family.
ReplyDeleteI just don't do family get togethers any more. I have contact with everyone, but I refuse to become party to the drunken madness that the family get togethers turn into. I may even have dinner out with one of them, but never more than one at a time and always in a public place that I can leave if it gets out of hand.
ReplyDeleteFamily dynamics have changed drastically over the last 100 years. Back then, you relied on your family for nearly everything. Today, family doesn't demand the respect it did back then. Most families have a black sheep or two that are not welcome at gatherings.
ReplyDeleteI looked at the picture and I recognized that look. It's how I feel every time I know there's going to be a family gathering. I don't care what it's for, I know how it's going to end up. I've considered moving clear across the U.S. just to keep from having to participate in the circus.
ReplyDelete