Stop enabling them. Yes, it is easier said then done at times, but remember, each time you enable them, the sicker they get. The more they manipulate, the more they take, and the worse you feel. You may find yourself doing things for an addict due to the type of relationship you had prior to their addiction that you wouldn’t even do for a stranger. Ask yourself, would you do it for a stranger? Would you bail a person out of jail that you didn’t know? No, you wouldn’t. Even if the addict is a family member, they are a shell of whom you used to know.
Enabling can be as simple as calling into work for tem because they cannot function. Making up excuses for their behavior does not make them hold any accountability for their actions.
Quit bailing them out of situations they get themselves into because of their addiction. This is often one of the hardest things for parents as they have nurtured this family member since infancy. Their son or daughter spends up all their funds on drugs and has no food for the house. It kills a parent to think that their child is going without food and have a hard time putting the foot down when the addict ask for money for groceries. As a parent or any body for that matter who is dealing with an addict, you have to it perfectly clear that you will not help them in any fashion continue to live in their current lifestyle. This includes no longer bailing them out of jail, missed payments (rent, vehicle, lights, etc). If we keep an addict from constantly escaping bottom, knowing they must hit bottom before they will get better, it will never happen.
Stop believing everything they say. If you heard it once, you have heard it a million times “just this one time, if you help me now I promise I will go get help.” That old song and dance is just that, a song and dance that you must let go in one ear, out the other, and not give it a second thought. Do not believe what they say, only what they do. Keep your boundaries clear and strong.
Take care of you. Dealing with an addict is exhausting. You have to take care of you first. There is nothing you can do an addict other than set clear-cut boundaries. Let them know you will not continue to help them on their path to self-destruction until after they seek professional help. It is fine to tell them you love them, but will not accept their current lifestyle or behavior. This does not make you a bad person. This makes you someone who needs to remain healthy and sane, one who recognizes that the only way your loved one is going to get the type of help he or she need is by hitting bottom.
If you need help, are struggling with an addiction, or know of someone who is, please contact A Better Tomorrow Treatment Center today. We are here to help.
http://www.abttc.net/
Phone: 800.971.1586
Fax: 800.401.8464
24 Hour Addiction HelpLine
Tel. (800) 396-9389 (7 days 24 hours)
e-mail: info@24houraddictionhelp.com
http://www.24houraddictionhelp.org/
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Enablers have a love connection and it's hard to do the right thing. I should know, I was one. I finally wised up but it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you realize that this is not an easy thing to do. I don't mean to be an enabler but I know I am. I wish I could be stronger and able to do what I know he needs. I'm attending classes in hopes of making his life better.
ReplyDeleteI was certainly guilty as an enabler for longer than I care to admit. I called my husbands work when he was unable to get there and even used me and the kids as excuses. I was as pathetic as he was. He's clean now and I hope to God he stays that way. I won't do that ever again.
ReplyDeleteIf an addict wants help, there are any number of ways to help them. If they don't want help, there is nothing you can do to make the situation better. The thing is, you can't want more for them than they want for themselves.
ReplyDelete