This Friday I want to leave you with the life story of a young woman and her battle with addiction. This is all in her words, nothing altered, as I felt her story was a powerful one as it was, told straight from her. Thank you again Leanna for sharing your story with everyone. For you readers, if you find yourself in this story, I pray it gives you the strength to take the steps to a better tomorrow because you can beat your addiction. Do not let it beat you.
“Just a typical 21 year old going to the clubs and partying. That's how it all began. It seemed like I was always the friend who ended up drunk, making a fool of myself dancing on the bar...hooking up with strangers...losing my friends...not remembering the next morning. This was normal right?
I was introduced to GHB and I thought I went to heaven. Just a lil capful and I no longer needed to load up on drinks to get that buzz I craved. Saved money on drinks...no hangover. Just a lil more than a capful and I found myself in the alley outside the club not knowing how I got there. Or waking up in my smashed car on the middle of the highway from G'ing out.
Through some X in the mix......now I've totally lost my mind....but I feel really good. Like I'm in my body but outside my body. I thought this brought me closer to God and my senses were heightened beyond belief. What is real...what is fake?
On top of all this why not throw in some coke when the roll started to wear off....and another cap...and some nitrous. Why not. Everyone does this right?
This lasted for a few years of intense weekend partying all while I was attending professional school to get what else....a doctorate in Pharmacy of all things. I managed to achieve that goal...barely...while doing bumps in between classes to stay awake and focus.
Landed a successful job in pharmacy....here I was introduced to Vicodin......all the Vicodin I wanted at my fingertips. Recipe for disaster. At this time in my life I was using GHB 24/7. I needed a cap to wake up (the best buzz of my day)...a cap roughly each hour to ward off anxiety....an extra cap to knock myself out at night only to get about 3 hours of "sleep"...only to wake back up and start the cycle again. Tough laws were passed banning GHB...I was getting it online or finding people who were making it. They could no longer get the ingredients...and I was SOL. Had to quit cold turkey.
The hallucinations and anxiety from the withdrawal were severe. I dissociated from myself. I felt like I was going crazy and was seeing and hearing things that weren't there. So I started drinking to fight off the anxiety. I had to drink myself into a blackout to get any relief. So here is where my chronic alcoholism began.
This continued for a few years. Drinking became a 24/7 activity now. I ended up losing my license to practice pharmacy because I turned into a sloppy drunk who was writing out my own prescriptions for narcotics. I lost my marriage, my job, but worst of all my self-respect. All the things I valued so much. Gone.
Turning point came last April. I let myself go to the point of not showering, my hair was knotted to my scalp, and I gave up eating. Mind you....I'm the type of person who takes great pride in my appearance. I looked like the walking dead...all 90 pounds of me. All I did was drink...all day...til I ended up in the ICU for 2 alcoholic seizures. They said my organs were failing and asked my mom if she really wanted to see me in the condition I was brought in. This was my absolute worst bottom.
9 days later I was released and started an intensive outpatient program. I was forced to look at myself...all the traumas in my life...who was I really? What was I hiding from?.....I learned that I was using these substances because I couldn't face the person looking at me in the mirror.
I hated AA in the beginning and didn't get it at all. Why the hell are these people talking about God. I just wanna stop drinking and using!!! God doesn't care about me.....or I wouldn't be here in these rooms with these freaks. I kept going to meetings. Suit up and show up! Bring the body...the mind will follow. WTH!!!!!
A few weeks of meetings and I started to understand. A little. This program is gonna teach me how to live without using. Cool cuz I never tried that before. Once I completely surrendered and stopped half-measuring the program I started to get "it". I started getting to know people in the meetings, hangin out with them and I slowly realized....I could do this! Sweet.
God brought me to AA and AA brought me to God. I've been clean and sober for a little over a year and my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for the simplest things in life. I have learned to love myself....to recognize my defects...to forgive...to pray...and to just do the next right thing.
AA saved my life. Sure I lost all the material things and my 6 figure job.....but I've never been this at peace with myself. Miracles happen every day these days. And helping another addict lets me keep what I have. I love recovery. “
If you need help, are struggling with an addiction, or know of someone who is, please contact A Better Tomorrow Treatment Center today. We are here to help.
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I'm pleased to see that you downhill spiral was stopped in time to save your life. I've been in you're shoes and consider myself lucky to be alive. The last auto accident was my wakeup call. I nearly died and my friend, who was sitting beside me, did die. I'll miss him and think of him every day for the rest of my life. I stay clean for him, because he never got the chance to.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss. But, I'm happy for your sobriety.Thank you for sharing that Todd. There is a way out of addiction and it's free for the most part...yet tragedies happen all around us every day. We are the lucky ones to have been given the gift of sobriety.
ReplyDelete"Leanna, you are an 'INSPIRATION' to others. I am so proud of you. I can 'understand' so much of what you are sharing. You have had the opportunity to read 'MY STORY'...Although, similar but different...We share the same feelings. We are walking 'miracles'. I do not take any moment of any day for granted. There are no mistakes. I am so happy God brought you into my life." Hugs ~and~ Love Towards a Bright Future. ~~<3~~
ReplyDeleteTruer words were never spoken. The way we perceive things and deal with them allow us to experience success or failure. With the right attitude, we can overcome most anything. It was a lesson I had a hard time learning.
ReplyDeletePartying and going to the clubs has been the downfall of a lot of people. You turn into the people you associate with. Take a good look at them before you decide to hang with them. If they have habits you don't want to indulge in, steer clear of them from the beginning. There's no such thing as a little bit addicted.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how long the money she saved on drinks was saved before it was spent on drugs. I do drink, but I've always forced myself to stop after 3 or 4. No exceptions to the rule. I can see me becoming a heavy drinker without trying to hard at all. I don't want my drinking to turn into a problem. As for drugs, I've never even tried any. I used to take a lot of ribbing over that, but I survived.
ReplyDeleteVicodin is an easy drug to get addicted to. It seems like the doctors are dropping prescriptions for hang nails these days. I won't take prescription pain relievers. They scare me.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a pretty hard way to go. Congratulations on sticking to your recovery program. I want to wish you continued success. Atta girl!
ReplyDelete