For some teens, the vicious cycle of drug abuse begins in their home. They are the children whose behaviors are influenced by that of their parents; parents that have addictive behaviors. One such at risk group is that of children of alcoholics (COAs). This group is exceeding 6.6 million, with children living with at least one alcoholic parent.
Researchers have shown that familial influence is the primary reason COA’s seek relief in the numbing effects alcohol.
Children of alcoholic parent(s) begin dealing with a great deal of pressure at a very young age. They are forced to take on responsibilities of the adult and as a result they end up taking on personality traits that reflect saviors, enablers, scapegoats, and lost children. With the taken on personas/behavior, often times it leads to self destructive activities such as drug and alcohol use as a means to escape the pain that alcohol has brought into their lives.
Low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, inability to express feeling, lack of control, distrust, issues with intimacy, hyper vigilance and an overwhelming sense of responsibility are all indicative of COAs. To add more insult to injury, with the alcoholic caretaker already not functioning normally, this population often time become overlooked or looked at as troublemakers or under achievers, often slipping through the cracks of society.
COAs severely compromise their own self worth for their alcoholic parent. Because of this, many unresolved issues remain buried deep within the child's subconscious. Other then using drugs or alcohol to forget the pain of their home life, COAs often follow a pattern of behavior that ultimately establishes its own pattern of self-loathing also to mask their pain such as the following:
• Taking extreme pride in maintaining self-control
• Basing self-esteem on having relationships
• Placing everyone else's needs before one's own
• Denying that one's own needs exists
• Sacrificing one's own identity for the sake of intimacy
• Changing one's personality to please others
• Battling low self-worth
• Always compelled by compulsions
• Abusing substances
• Trying to control others with love or anger
• Facing the world with a facade of false feelings
• Experiencing stress-related medical illnesses (Rodney, 1996, p. 19)
The manifestation of these distinguishable behaviors sets in motion a series of events some slow to pass, others more readily noticeable that mark the "accelerating disintegration of the whole person that is the mark of alcoholism" (Cruse-Wegscheider, 1989, p. 28).
Ketchum et al (2000) note that for many, alcoholism is a family tradition; not only does at least one parent drink but so did their grandparents and often even further back in the generational construct. "If someone in your family is an alcoholic a parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt, brother, or sister you have a much greater risk of getting the disease if you drink" (Ketchum et al, 2000, p. 270).
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Like any other addiction, it can go 2 ways. My parents are alcoholics. My Dad is a functional one, able to hold down a job, but my Mom is usually either drinking or passed out with not much in between. My brother has already started drinking at 19. I'm 22 and I vowed early that I would not drink at all, and I haven't. No way do I want to spend my life dependent on a bottle. I've been working with my brother hoping I can get him some help before he turns into a true alcoholic.
ReplyDeleteMy sister drinks way too much and has no idea most of the time where her boys are at. At 5 and 7 they are too young to be left on their own so much. I've threatened to turn her in to DCFS but I'm not convinced they would be better off there. They need their Dad but that's not likely to happen either. What the heck am I supposed to do?
ReplyDeleteIt's exceedingly sad that the numbers are so high and are continuing to climb.
ReplyDeleteI took over the running of the house when I was 12. I cooked and clean and did the laundry (when there was soap) and made sure my younger brother and sisters were up and ready for school with a lunch. I vowed early on to stay away from alcohol and I'm proud to say I made it. My brother and one of my sisters are alcoholics. My parents drank themselves to death. My youngest sister and I are not. Not a very good track record for our family. I want more for mine.
ReplyDeleteI've often wondered in parents who drink excessively ever wonder about the effects they will have on their children. With problems like those, the children would have been better off not being born.
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